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REVENGE IS SWEET, especially if you’re one of those people like me who believe soft drink companies should never have replaced pure cane sugar with high-fructose corn syrup.
You Illuminati know what I’m talking about: Mexican Coke (the soft drink, not the hard stuff). Coca-Cola bottled in Mexico is sweetened with natural sugar, while the U.S. version is almost always made with high-fructose corn syrup. You see, the real secret behind Coke’s “secret formula” is that “ingredients may vary.” After all, it was Andy Warhol who once emoted, “A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it and you know it.” Say it ain’t so, Andy!
And then there’s this: Coke tastes better out of a bottle than it does out of a can. Popular Science magazine studied this assertion on their website recently and declared that, as the “most inert” material in which cola is packaged, it is entirely possible that glass renders a more “pure, unaltered” taste than either plastic or aluminum. To which One Of Us commented that glass-bottle Coke often comes from Mexico: “In the United States, Coke is made with CORN SYRUP... It’s disgusting.”
The cane sugar vs. corn syrup debate rages on. Indeed, high-fructose corn syrup has become one of the most demonized additives in popular food culture. Politically it’s poison, subject to ridicule as a primary suspect in scurrilous corn subsidies. Then there is the conspiracy theory that New Coke, which failed miserably in 1985, was an attempt to distract consumers from an ingredient switch in Coke Classic. But perhaps most damning is the authenticity debate. This isn’t your father’s Coke. It’s processed.
We—The Few. The Proud. The Sweet-Toothed—have actually motivated other product cults. My Jewish brethren, including the former publisher of Texas Monthly magazine and the new CEO of the Texas Tribune online media venture, know all about Passover Coke, which uses sugar instead of not-kosher-for-Passover corn syrup. And any Dr. Pepper purist can wax poetic about Dublin
Dr. Pepper, made from pure sugar by a particular bottler in Dublin, Texas, population 3500-and-change. There’s even a product called Pepsi Throwback, “sweetened with natural sugar.” Almost makes high-calorie carbonated drinks sound like health food, doesn’t it?
The Coca-Cola Company says it principally imports Mexican Coke to appeal to immigrants who grew up with it. Hence the 12-ounce glass bottle that reads, “No Retornable” and “Refresco.” Go online and you’ll discover Mexican Coke cultists who offer tips about where to find grocers who primarily serve a Latino clientele. But make no mistake: Mexican Coke is finding its way into Kroger, Costco, and a certain Counter Café near my office. Sure, it’s cheaper to have a can of American Coke, but I’m more than willing to pay extra for a bottle that says “Hecho en Mexico.” The Coca-Cola Company is quick to point out that “all of our consumer research indicates that from a taste standpoint, the difference is imperceptible.” This from the people who brought you New Coke.
Need more proof? Check out the Mexican Coke Facebook page, with more than 10,000 fans. You’ll read things like, “I am a Mexican Coke fiend,” and Mexican Coke is “a lot more natural tasting,” and “a little less harsh, I would say.” I’m telling you, this stuff is more popular than zombies. (Note to self: Invent Zombie Coke.) We marketing types would kill for this kind of cult following. I place Mexican Coke cultists right up there with France’s Raëlians, Yale’s Skull and Bones, and L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology.
A confession: While I constantly assure my wife and teenagers that I only enjoy a soft drink “once or twice a year,” the truth is, I’m addicted to Mexican Coke and it’s “Irish” counterpart, Dublin Dr. Pepper. Nothing goes better with a juicy burger and crispy fries. Nothing. If you still doubt me, take the test yourself. Take a slug of Coke Classic (actually, the “Classic” designator has disappeared from most packaging), and chase it with a healthy slurp of Mexican Coke. ¡Ay Yi Yi!
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